The weather is beginning to cool off, though it’s still pretty humid some days. The nights are chilly, and the mornings dawn through a haze of fog. More and more people are posting pictures on social media of their days out climbing on real rock. I feel a twinge of jealousy…
The fall climbing season is upon us, but I don’t want to go. I’ll stay home. I’ll just go to the gym, thank you very much.
Maybe I like climbing inside too much. When I had babies and little kids, I learned to love climbing whenever and wherever I could. I was never a snob about indoor climbing, but I did usually prefer outside to inside. Somewhere in my mind or heart or soul, I do love climbing outside the most, but I’m not yearning for it yet. Normally this time of year, even in the late summer when it’s hot, I can’t wait to get on real rock, I can’t wait to clip bolts, to return to the same old project that never got finished last season.
Maybe that’s it– maybe I’m sick of the same old projects, sick of not sending anything. Maybe, but that usually doesn’t matter. I kind of like climbing stuff I already know really well, even if I do keep falling.
The end of this summer and so far this fall– maybe longer– life has been in flux. My oldest moved out and my youngest started a new high school and just got his driver’s license. I am starting new vocational things as well as continuing to write. I feel like I should let life settle down after it seems like it was tossed up into the air. I feel like I want to stay home, not get in the car, not drive, not climb, not be gone all day. My brain is tired. Let’s just watch TV.
Maybe it’s because my kids don’t climb and don’t want to climb and aren’t interested in climbing at all. When would they have the time anyway? Most of the time, I’m like, whatever, see you later. But lately, I really wish they wanted to climb. I wish we could all go together again. I miss that.
So for a minute I’m going to grieve it. I’m going to not go without them.
But one of these days, I’ll get over it. Then I’ll get in the car as fast as I can, and I’ll go climbing. Outside. Far away. One of these days…
